It's still a beautiful world

Whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all it's sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it's still a beautiful world.
-Max Ehrman


VIANNE, LAUJUN.


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SCHOOL'S OUTTTTT
Not that it matters.
I'm missing someone very badly. :(

Some things will never change :) you know I love you so ;)







life is SUPER :D
i bought new shoes today, and i really really hope i dont get blisters in this one. i only wore the first two once :((
pw is overrr:
To my incredible groupmates Moo Meo Stella and Shanghai, thanks so much for making such a disgusting subject fun and ily all :)
and thank you charlene, for saving our ppt i loveeee you :D

I dont know why i feel so perfectly light and happy and relaxed and blissful but I do. Life seems beautiful now. and Junsu is still my super love.
YAY


WEEKEND
Saturday: Newspaper collection
It was hard work and good fun. like we made newwww money. but also maybe we were stealing like the newspaper man's money. anyway, we went from doortodoor to ask for newspaper and it was a super experience. and then as we began on our last block for the day it started raining crazy. which was scary. but yeah met many nice and awesome people which made the day even better :)
Sunday: PW at moo's house
Moo's house is so so pretty. and we spent most of the day talking nonsense and having fun and ended up not doing anything much. ended with freaking out about how much we had left to do.
Monday: PW @ Changi and Jen's house
Woke up super super early, went to Changi and started filming PW vid like the idiots that we were. and about millions of people staring at us like we were retarded. or like they were being entertained. then lunch @ BK, shopping @ tampiness *I REALIZE IDK HOW TO SPELL*, and then went to Jen's house which is also SUPERRR because it is. also couldnt do any work because the house was too distracting.

Right now to do list because i wasted the weekend away:
I&R, DETAILED GPP, VIDEO, CHEM KSP TUTORIAL.

Don't ever put yourself in the place where you know you'll get hurt.


Someone told me once before i grew up to check at every point as time goes by if you like the person you're becoming.
I hate the person I've become.
This feels like the first time I've completely loss control of how i behave and what i do and say. And the feeling sucks because you only have to do something, and then regret it instantaneously in like the next 20 seconds, wishing you could take back what you did, what you said. It's a strange feeling, knowing so well what you're doing is so stupid and so meaningless and so hopelessly helpless. Knowing so well that it's best to just back off and leave and go to someplace else where you can't see him and lose control again. Knowing well and yet.
If i were someone else i'd be bitching about myself so how could I even blame him or anyone right. A year ago I'd laugh at the possibility of this. Of me being so retarded.
So I'm sorry for the way I act around you you're amazing for tolerating me. And I also know that the best thing to do now is just forget.

It feels hollow. and I wonder when it'll ever be worth it. I wish I never have to feel this way again.


today was a very disgusting day. except for one tiny way.
the worst was finding out that i did worse than 50% of the level for chem despite working so frigging hard for it, and having hear the lecturer say, 'oh im very glad for all of you, all your efforts paid off..' and i seriously wanted to walk out of the lecture hall or just scream or die or anything that makes him shut up.
then it was having gp, and having gp lessons is always disgusting.
and then i did what i do best when im unhappy, i thought of happy things and even that was disgusting because i knew somewhere in that little semblance of logic left in me that it would never and could never ever happen.
and then finallyyy the school day ended and it was ihc. it was fun and good hardwork working with all the other mr people who signed up just for the love of the house. even though we didnt win, it was still nice to know we tried so hard.
and then that had disgusting parts in it too because i dragged the team down many times, and we dragged the guys' team down and i found out that my heart has a frigging problem and doesnt want to work with my brain.
i hope tomorrow will be a better day, and i hope emotions can rot away for awhile and let logic take the wheel.


it's about 4.30am and i just finished watching MIROTIC CONCERT
you know i keep thinking that maybe soon i wont like dbsk anymore or care about junsu anymore but it just keeps getting better :D i love junsuuuu he's so awesome. when he grins the world just bursts and everything's dazzling and sparkling. and his voice is so magical and he looks good in everythingggg from t-shirts (omg he looked so cute and home-y and real in the t-shirt) to singlets to tuxs. and today i dreamt about junsu and it was a very very nice dream and i remember it well, which was about the most worthwhile thing i did today, both in my definition and the normal one. cuz basicallly all i did today was sleep and watch stuff :D (enjoying it while i can)
yesterday i had sleepover with moo and stella but we were all so tired we slept at 1 plus. it was also the first time i had so much fun dancing the night away, literally :D i love my PW group :))

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME NOT SCREW UP MY RESULTSSSSS.


PROMOS ARE OVERRRR
I just slept 20.5 hours last night :D and now im watching junsu!!!
funny i rmb how i had alot a wanted to blog about before promos but i cant rmb what now.
i dont think i'll touch coffee for at least the next 3 months - ive been drinking about 3 iceblended mochas a day for a month and the girl at the cafe already recognizes me and draws smilies with choc powder on my mocha ;D
i feel so relieved its over, that i survived :D i didnt go crazy AT ALL prepping for promos which makes me proud of myself :D if it was me last year insanity is guaranteed.
so after the last paper ytd, i went out with my cousins who are here from melbourne and we had so so so much fun together despite me being dead tired having slept 3 hours only.
first we went sushi tei to eat and then we shopped for the whole dayyy spending at least 2 hours each at the shoe and clothing department. then ALL OF US my mom and my aunt and my two cousins and me had the best fun picking out clothes for my youngest cousin, clara. she looked so so pretty in whatever she worse it made me envious. and then seeing all the super pretty clothes for small little girls i want to have a daughter and dress her up in ALL OF THEM.
oh then as we were walking down orchard road some hairdressers asked me to be their model for some hair event thingy xDDD and then we went to jumbo @dempsey hill to have chill crabs and pepper crabs and drunken prawns and fish. then ended the day with ben and jerry. i reached home at 11. washed up plonked on my bed and went to sleep without turning the aircon on or opening the window. then somewhere through the night my dad turned the ac on for me and tried for about 15 minutes to get me awake enough to throw the blanket on xD
okay back to junsu and my fair lady. and then later im gonna imagine me and junsu, something i've been deprived on during promos and then tmrw im going out with cousins again :D

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